Ten after Rose
by BlondieinaBouncyCastle
Summary: She was gone. He knew that. But he still missed her.


"Rose, you left your-" the Doctor stops, holding her hairbrush in his hand. She left it on the sink again, like she always does. _Did_, he reminded himself. She is gone and she can't come back. Not ever. He opens the drawer under the sink and puts the brush inside with her makeup and toothpaste. He stares into the drawer for several minutes, remembering exactly when she used each item in the drawer. There was the purple hair tie she used to pull her hair into a side ponytail when they went to the 30th Olympiad. There was a bag of little, clear rubber bands Rose used when she braided her hair and bobby pins used to hold that hair bump in place. The Doctor never understood that hairstyle, but she looked lovely in it. She always looked lovely. The Doctor closes the drawer and leaves the bathroom, heading down the TARDIS corridors to Rose's room.

He stands outside the white door with her name written on it in pink, flowing script. She has been gone for almost a month now and he hasn't had the guts to open the door. He grasp the cool, metal handle in his hand. _My manly, hairy hand,_ he thinks, remembering the 30th Olympiad again. He smiles briefly. He was being silly at first, then he couldn't stop saying it. Rose was never annoyed though. The Doctor rests his head on the door, closing his eyes. He sees her face smiling at him. A warm tear leaks out of his eye and down his cheek. He turns the knob slowly, opening the door just a bit. He'd never been in her room before; they'd always shared his bed when they slept together. He's never even seen the inside of her room. He opens his eyes and looks inside. Everything is bright pink, just the way he'd always imagined it would be. It was her favorite color.

"Doctor?" The Doctor looks around frantically. That was definitely her voice. Rose's voice. He heard her. Then he sees it, the source of her voice. A screen one her desk had a video of him sleeping. _Why did it turn on?_ he wondered. He wished he could ask her. He recognized the video immediately. It was a video Rose had filmed. The Doctor looked at himself sleeping in his bed. "Doctor, wake up," Rose commanded him. Her delicate hand reached out from behind the camera and stroked the video Doctor's cheek. The Doctor reaches up and touches his cheek, feeling Rose's touch again. Her hands had been so cold that morning. Her hands were rarely cold, but this morning they were. He discovered later it was because she had been cleaning fruit under a stream of cold water. In the video, the Doctor opened his eyes and smiled at the camera. The video Doctor pulls Rose's hand to his lips and kisses it.

"What are you doing, love?" The video-him asks. He shudders, knowing that her answer will break his hearts all over again.

"I'm making a video for when you have to leave me behind. Just so I always have a piece of you with me." Her voice was even, calm, accepting.

"I'm never going to leave you. You're different."

"That's what you told Sarah Jane, too. I'm not mad, Doctor. It is going to happen, I understand. It's alright. We just have to make the best of the little time we have." The video shuts off, but the Doctor knows what happened after. He was trembling. He never wanted to lose her. But he did and she didn't even have this video to remind her of him.

He walks into the room and turns off the screen. He walks to her closet and opens the door. Her scent rolls out, wrapping him in her. His eyes sting with tears. He touches the pink poodle skirt from when they went to England during Queen Elizabeth II's coronation. He pulls out the Union Jack shirt she wore when they chased the vessel into World War II and met Captain Jack Harkness. He laughs, remembering them dancing through the control room. He hangs it back up. The grey zip-up is there too, from when she took care of him after he regenerated. He touches the clothing, remembering what they did when she wore each of them. He even saw the dress she wore for Christmas with Charles Dickens. That was the first time he called her beautiful. Of course, he'd undercut himself and added "considering." He hated himself for weeks after saying that.

"Doctor?" He looks up again. The screen is back on, but this time, Rose is on there, looking straight into the camera. She is wearing the light blue hoodie she wore when he lost her. "Hello, Doctor." She smiles. He stands in front of the screen, staring. "I figured you'd come in here sometime after I've gone, so I thought you'd want something to remember me by. I figured, if I make a video, the TARDIS will show it to you when you need it most." She messes with her hair for a minute before continuing. "I love you. I don't know if I have ever told you. I love you more than anyone I have ever known. You pulled me out of my plain, boring life and showed me a better way of living. You made me into someone. You didn't see a girl who worked in the shop, dropped out of school, and hadn't been much of anyone. You saw me. And I thank you for that. The rest of this video contains clips of us that I filmed. You always teased me about that camera, but I bet you'll appreciate it now." She waves and the screen goes dark again.

Before a new clip can start, the Doctor turns off the screen, closes the closet door and leaves the room, closing the door behind him. The Doctor walks away, letting the tears roll down his face as he heads back to the control room. She was still taking care of him. Even though she was in a completely different universe. He sits in the chair by the control panel, trying to think of a place to go. There were thousands of places he wanted to take Rose, but they didn't seem as desirable now. The TARDIS has been parked on the far side of the moon since the situation with Donna Noble had been sorted. Donna was a nice distraction from his sadness, but she didn't want to stay with him. That was a change for him. She was the first human who didn't want to run away into the universe with him. So he was left, alone, with the purple and blue jacket of Rose's that Donna found in the control room. He parked the TARDIS on the moon and held that jacket. The Doctor held that jacket so tight for days. He didn't eat, didn't sleep, just cuddled that silly garment and cried.

He never told her. He never told her that he loved her. He always assumed she knew. And maybe she did. But, with her gone, he wishes every day that he had told her. There is a huge difference between knowing something is true and actually hearing it said allowed. He knew Rose loved him, but when he heard her say it while she was standing on that cursed beach, his hearts soared. They soared higher than they ever have then shattered into billions of pieces when he ran out of time to say it back. He knew Rose was left on that beach trying to deal with her feelings for him, not hearing him express his feelings. She probably cried. She was crying before they were cut off. She probably cried harder. Jackie was there though. Mickey and Pete too. They would take care of her, the Doctor knew that. Donna told him that he needed someone. He did. He knew that. Not just to stop him from becoming cruel, but to take care of him. He would never admit that out loud, but it's true. He stood up and pushed a bunch of buttons on the console. He through a lever at the end and it was done. Rose's room was put in stasis. It was still in the TARDIS, but the Doctor would never be able to find it again. He knew this was the only way he would be able to move on. He didn't want to do it, but he had to.

"Doctor, one last thing." Rose's voice fills the room. He knew it was the TARDIS playing it. He thanks the TARDIS in his head and listens to Rose. "Don't mope around universe alone for too long." Rose appears on his right, looking right at him. He'd done this to her when he sent her away from Satellite Five to save her from the Daleks. She was paying it back. "Go out. Find another woman who needs to see the stars. Show her how amazing the Universe is. Show her that she isn't a simple human. Move on. Keep being the Doctor. And, as always, be fantastic!" She winks and the hologram fades. The Doctor smiles. He knows that's exactly what he needed to hear. There are planets out there that need to be saved. They are all depending on the Doctor.

"Okay, Rose. Let's find a planet needing saved." She may not be there physically, be she will always be with him. Forever. "ALLONS-Y!"


End file.
